My Bipolar Journal – Episode 36
January 23, 2007
I never realized before how much I tried to change everyone in my relationships until I met someone I didn't want to change even a little bit. Everyone says that they don't want to change the person, but really, most of the time; we're hoping that something changes. I know with Chris I was just so convinced and had made such a commitment that I kind of felt like I had to go through it and make it work because of the decisions I made early on in our relationship. I did everything I could to make it the ideal relationship and it just wasn't. I didn't even know what I wanted.
Did it take me going through all of that with Chris to realize what I really did want though or would I have figured it out naturally later on. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that even having a bad experience is meaningful and helps shape who you are as a Human (or non-Human) as the case may be.
Either way, I'm sort of here now. I have no expectations of anything, ever, even myself, but I'm just taking everything a day a time and trying not to think about what any of it "means". Taking things at face value can be a lot deeper than analyzing them inside and out. Something sits funny with me about not knowing where anything is going, but it all still excites me just the same.
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