My Bipolar Journal - Episode 211

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 211

June 15, 2008

I’ve wanted to write like 3000 times, but it’s always weird the things that set you off to actually sitting down to do it and it’s never things that you thought it would.

I can’t count how many times I have sat down and talked to a dude and we both agreed that relationships were not what was in the cards for us in our lives and mere hours, days, sometimes weeks later they start flaunting the new barely girl turned wanna be supermodel around, their My Space status changes from “single” to “in a relationship” and suddenly there don’t seem to be enough pictures of them to be contained in just one album of Photobucket. They change every picture that identified them as themselves to a picture of how now they are to only be identified if this said person is attached to them. The level of respect I had for them those few hours, days or weeks ago drops and I become even more sad knowing that everything that these people decide to say was an attempt to excuse their lives until they could find their own identity through someone else. It’s the bane of my existence.

Now I get to watch you stumble around and hide things, mostly yourself from everyone around you in attempt to be this “relationship” person. I can’t just walk up and opening hug or kiss you anymore without looking to see who else is around first. Not only do you have to adjust yourself, I have to adjust myself and I think that I’m done doing that. I’m done really giving a crap about how you think you appear in front of this new person. I did it out of respect, but I realize that honestly, I’ve lost most of the respect I had for you now, so why should I spend the mere moments I have left in this world tiptoeing around who we really are because you’ve lost part of who you are. I’m still the same person, so really all I’m doing is losing myself for our relationship, which has become less important because of the person you chose to put on a pedestal and have less honest conversations than we’ve ever had and make our relationship seem unnecessary.

None of this is anything I really want to be talking about.