Fan Letter

First of all, I grew up with a father who was bipolar/manic depressive/severe mood swings/basic rat bastard. Having to constantly bend and shape my interactions with him based on HIS mood of the moment, is extremely taxing AND unbelievably self-centered on his part and completely consuming on my part and the part of the rest of his family.



Oh, if HE wanted to throw a fit, he felt HE was “allowed” to do it! Because he had no control and then couldn’t remember what the hell he just did because his rage was so strong. If HE wanted to go out to the store at 2 in the morning to buy 52 pies with no place to put them when he got home, that was okay, the whole family had to go along with it. If he wanted to screw up yet ANOTHER holiday, picnic, graduation or whatever was taking place that HE was not the object of attention, he’d fuck it up on purpose just so the attention was back on him. And hit someone just because he didn’t agree with them or they didn’t agree with him was perfectly normal and justified in his mind.



Do you have any fucking idea what it’s like to live with someone who has this problem??????????????? Your arrogance is SO apparent. Do you realize how many people in your family, in your circle of friends, your co-workers, and just people you have to deal with on a daily basis, have to conform to YOUR idiosyncrasies, so YOU don’t have an “episode”? Do you know what that is like????????????



Do YOU understand the constant stress YOU put other people through that are TRYING to DEAL with you, love you, work with you, go to school with you????? When is it time that YOU stop and think, how am I PISSING others around me off? How can I better LEARN to get along with others? Never ONCE does it cross your mind that you MIGHT have done something rude, uncalled for, stupid, selfish, annoying, and pain in the ass like, and put YOURSELF in check?????? I mean, what the fuck?



Just because you have this thing going on in your head, does the whole rest of the world have to part the sea so you can feel “okay”? Yes my father was on Lithium for a time, his sister told him to get off it because all it was keeping him “drugged up” so he couldn’t be himself. Do you know when he was on the meds, it was the best time in ALL our lives because he was finally rational? How would YOU like to live with someone 6’5” tall, over 200 pounds and hands the size and texture of a catchers mitt, punch and HIT you all the time?



Let’s not even get into once you’re on the ground, being kicked by this person! What gives him the right to do that? BIPOLAR DISORDER???????? Now I have to deal with the same type of personality in my classroom (I’m 45 and in college, she’s 32 and a maniac) but everyone has to put up with her constant mood swings, banter, highs and lows, accent changes, and personality morphs! FUCK THAT!!! Do you know how fucking stressful that is???? Do you know how mentally draining it is to deal with?????



You probably don’t like what I’m saying to you, because when someone close to you lets you know how you’re behaving, your first reaction would be to strike them, that’s a really smart way to handle things by the way. I wish I could have smacked my father whenever he pissed me off or disagreed with what I thought or said and I definitely feel the same way about the girl in my class!



I have tried countless times with my father and this girl, to sit down and talk with them, discussing how they feel and all that and all it adds up to is this…they only want to hear themselves speak, and they always justify their actions! Breaking my nose and cornering me in a classroom are not normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Pissed off, hurt, and had to grow up with this insidious mental defect. You may think its “cool” to be so “different” but try being on the other side and having to deal with YOU. NOT SO COOL!!!



My father finally past away last December and all I could say through tears was, “It’s finally over”. Not a very nice way to live for anyone. I say, get help, get meds, and keep on going to therapy so you learn the proper way to deal with yourself and with others and most importantly, your own thoughts.



Don’t email me back with your justification on all this. I’ve heard it before, I’ve seen the broken bones and the blood and the hospital stays. Nothing you can say will ever justify the rude and thoughtless behavior of YOUR problem. Can you tell I hate this “disease”?



Sincerely,

Grown child of bipolar parent

Response from the non-cool (a.k.a. me):

I have no idea who you are, but ya know... everyone's different. If I were doing stuff like that, I would hope I'd have enough common sense to take care of it professionally. Some people with it are functional, some people aren't and I've never asked anyone... let alone a stranger to deal with it. I'd say I'm sorry that you had to deal with it and so on and so forth, but I don't know you, so I'm really not. You don't have to read what I right. It's my selfish way of thinking of things out loud because I write better than I talk.

It's cool though that you'll go through life hating people in a certain classification though because of one person though. Kind of like the Christians, blacks, Jews and Republicans. Not everyone is like that. Don't worry. I'm not trying to convince you to think I'm cool for it because that's the last thing I could possibly care about. Just maybe don't close your mind to everyone. You'll miss out some great people. Not me. But great people.

I appreciate your dissertation on why I'm not cool though.

Yet another reason I don't make babies. They'd grow up to hate me just like you hate your dead dad.