So, today I thought, "Hey! Maybe you should start this journal about being out of your fucking mind."
It's not often I'll get to write things that are really fun, interesting and insightful about being out of my fucking mind, but sometimes people ask what it's like. I know I've written a synopsis on the Manic Depression page, but what about when it's happening, like right now. It's a true testament to friendship for someone to be able to put up with some sort of psychotic episode. Sometimes they're just dying to get out of you.
Some days, I think you've just been so normal for so long that you explode. I think I'm about to explode or that I am exploding. Either way, it's amazing.
Yesterday, I was chatting with a friend of mine online, Christian, and it just came bursting out of me. I'm not nearly in the same exact state (fewer screwdrivers, cosmos and vodka shots) I was in because now I can keep a thought in my head for longer than fifteen seconds, but it's still hard to keep things in perspective. A bird flies into my window and I have to completely reread this entry from the beginning just to remember what I was going to say next and sometimes, it never comes to me again.
What was strange to me, and has always been, is that I've been pretty good about forewarning my friends about my little episodes somewhere in the beginning of them so as to not freak them out. I've never particularly had too many privelages of just outright losing it on someone without telling them. I've just never had the outright bipolar concept of "I'm gonna kill you, and if I don't kill you I'm gonna kill myself". Don't get me wrong, I have my fleeting moments of it running through my head like a carousel, but I never truly have been able to make those thoughts into a reality or really scare the shit out of someone. I came close twice in my life. Before Columbine, I think I frightened my best friend at that time, Shane, and my teacher, Mrs. Mullins, I believe into thinking I might just start shooting up the whole class. I remember how bizarre that was at the time thinking, "You are so lame. I'm just losing my mind. I'm not going to do anything with that. I just need you to hear what I'm saying and know I mean it." The other circumstance I wish I could have had back because I really would have fucked that bitch up. I figure everyone should live up to the thoughts in their head at least once.
Christian said something particularly interesting that at the moment didn't phase me. He asked what happened to me when I looked into mirrors while I was in that state. Those are just the types of questions he asks and I think it's fucking amazing. It dawned on me as odd that I never really looked in mirrors when I was hypo-manic. I just didn't. I usually just stay in one spot and let my mind have its workout. Unless I can get to a rock show (which just brought up another interesting point just this very second). If I can get in a pit or jump up in down to a good rock band it expels just enough energy to make me level (which brings up another point). Back to mirrors though.... I read something on a site yesterday while looking up articles and bipolar sites that one of the things I found was about building a house for bipolar people. There was something in it about being able to hide all mirrors in the house. Is there something to that? Is there something that I should be trying out right now? Mirrors have always frightened me a bit, but mostly when it's night. Is there something mental about that or do I just happen to not like mirrors and not come across them when I'm all a-flutter.
The rock show concept though..... I just rocked my ass off last weekend to Sunspot. They were here and I swear to God when they play I could be drunk, sober, manic, depressed, happy, sad or oblivious, but when they play Summer Day I turn into a complete ass. I love every minute of it. I was sore for two days. Maybe I just miss the high from that show. Right before I went home and completely fell into this state I was sitting at McFadden's and Violet from Hole came on. I was sitting at the bar alone and an enormous urge came over me to go to a rock show. I was singing along and moving in my seat like I had to get it out of me. Maybe I'm not really manic. Maybe I'm just coming down from a great rock show. Withdrawl can be a very difficult thing, you know.
So, why do people talk to you when they don't know you. I'm not particularly criticizing because I've been known to do it myself. Plus, what fun would life be if you didn't meet new people, but some are just odd. Some days when I see people look at me whether it's because they're attracted or curious or think I'm fat or just because it's a glance, I want to just look at them and point and laugh and say, "I WISH YOU KNEW, MOTHERFUCKER! I WISH YOU KNEW!" The look on their face would last me the whole day and give them something to think about.
I am suffering from some delusion of granduer that makes me say, "This means something!" when in all reality I am probably the only one to think it at all, but I'm posting this anyway. Certain portions will be removed to protect the innocent, but not just that. Sometimes, it's not a matter of protection, but privacy. I don't have many secrets, but I have many private moments. I thought you might like to see how my head works. I know I couldn't remember much of it the next day (not from the alcohol either), so I found it rather entertaining. The funniest part is that I found it all very confusing when at the moment it made sense. After going back through this to edit and all, I realized two things. What a headache I am and how remarkable it will be if Christian ever speaks to me again and that the conversation was much longer than the half hour I was crediting it for. Here it is though, me getting off on my brain with Christian:
[18:48] Jem: Do you have to have insurance in the UK?
[18:48] Christian: Like is it a law?
[18:48] Christian: oh yes indeedy
[18:48] Jem: Oh, bugger.
[18:49] Jem: bullshite
[18:49] Jem: Do you guys have the show King of Queens?
[18:49] Christian: the law on vehicles is the most detailed aspect of the car
[18:49] Jem: Yeah, fuck 'em.
[18:49] Jem: I'm sure you don't.
[18:49] Jem: you'd do well to avoid our traffic cops for long
[18:49] Jem: Still, most of the time, they're like real people to me.
[18:50] Jem: Yeah, fuck those guys.
[18:50] Jem: I'll kick 'em in the head.
[18:50] Christian: not heard of King of Queens
[18:50] Jem: Yeah, it's a kind of stupid American sitcom, but every once in a while I'm like, yeah, that's what marraige is like.
[18:50] Jem: Until they make up.
[18:50] Jem: Then I'm like, fuck you!
[18:51] Christian: still jumpy?
[18:51] Jem: What?
[18:51] Jem: Just fuck cops man.
[18:51] Christian: I mean how's the brain? - just checking
[18:52] Jem: My brain's completely full thank you.
[18:52] Jem: By the way, why is there not enough energy?
[18:53] Christian: there's no shortage here.....
[18:53] Jem: What?
[18:53] Jem: Oh, energy.
[18:53] Jem: Yeah, bullshit.
[18:53] Christian: I even have some gin left if I need to quell it a bit
[18:53] Jem: There's not enough energy anywhere.
[18:53] Jem: I think there's an actual energy shortage.
[18:54] Jem: I wish I were a fan.
[18:54] Jem: That would wear me out for a minut.
[18:54] Jem: minute.
[18:54] Christian: true - but then the things that need it actuallly need replacing with things that can run forever on higher power
[18:54] Jem: minut
[18:54] Jem: tee hee
A few crude comments and private moments later:
[18:58] Jem: I should go. You're going to think I'm fucking nuts.
[18:58] Jem: I just saw the best commercial ever!
[18:58] Jem: I don't even know what it was for, but it was awesome.
[18:59] Christian: they did a brilliant car commercial with a Jimi Hendrix song
[18:59] Jem: It was this dude sitting on the toilet with some other guy looking under the sink and the guy on the toilet says, "You know what? You should think about killing the mold in here."
[18:59] Jem: The guy looks at him and pulls off his toupee and starts scrubbing the wall with it.
[18:59] Jem: it was great.
[19:00] Christian: sounds a bit Laurel & Hardy-ish
[19:00] Jem: Oh, it was better. It was more gansta
[19:00] Jem: gangsta
[19:00] Christian: did you ever see the one where they were put in concrete shoes
[19:00] Jem: waht?
[19:01] Jem: what?
[19:01] Jem: what?
[19:01] Christian: Laurel & Hardy
[19:01] Jem: no
[19:01] Jem: I didn't really see that
[19:01] Jem: laurel and hardy I mean
[19:01] Christian: can't say I've seen them all, but I saw a load when I was a kid
[19:01] Jem: There was a store at the Dayton Mall called Laurel and Hardy's, but they were a flower shop.
[19:01] Jem: I thought it was gay.
[19:01] Jem: Then there was a girl I went to Jesus camp with named Laurel.
[19:02] Jem: I thought her name was gay as well.
[19:02] Jem: Smooth operator.....
[19:02] Jem: smooth operator....
[19:02] Christian: better than being called Jesus Camp though
[19:02] Jem: smooth operator....
[19:02] Jem: Well, it was called Butler Springs Christian Assembly.
[19:02] Jem: Best times of my life.
[19:02] Jem: I wonder if they have a web page. Oh, my. That would be awesome.
[19:03] Christian: that's not too bad - it could have been called Spring's Christian Assembly of Butlers
[19:03] Jem: I got my nickname there actually, which hasnt' been spoken in ages.
[19:03] Christian: or SCAB for short
[19:03] Jem: Awesome, they so.
[19:03] Jem: do
[19:03] Jem: www.butlersprings.com
[19:04] Jem: They have so much more there now. Not that I should be shocked.
[19:04] Jem: I miss those times.
[19:05] Jem: I met some of the best people there ever.
[19:06] Jem: Made out with lots of boys.
[19:06] Christian: you'd maybe like this book I'm foraging through for that paragraph..... there's some brain type escapades in it - you'd probably relate to it somehow
[19:06] Jem: What?
[19:06] Jem: A book.
[19:06] Jem: that's way over the top right now for me
[19:06] Jem: Unless it's like 3 words
[19:07] Christian: I could even have triggered your current bipolar thing by sourcing it, thinking about it
[19:07] Jem: No one triggers it, but me, my dear. No worries.
[19:07] Christian: it's called 'The Unseen' by Guy N. Smith
[19:07] Christian: Chemicals all over the place man!
[19:07] Jem: Yeah, you told me about him.
[19:08] Jem: I should take a typing test now.
[19:08] Christian: find a pic of it online - if the cover's the same you'll get an idea
[19:08] Jem: What?
[19:08] Jem: Oh, of the book.
[19:08] Jem: Okay
[19:08] Jem: Hey, did you ever read House of Leaves?
[19:09] Christian: no - did you ever see the film 'The Medusa Touch'?
[19:09] Jem: No
[19:09] Christian: excellent film
[19:09] Jem: I am totally sending you a copy of this book.
[19:09] Christian: Richard Burton as a person who jinxes stuff
[19:10] Christian: ever hear about the guy who bought a koala bear?
[19:11] Jem: no
[19:11] Christian: he goes to bed and leaves it to roam downstairs
[19:11] Jem: I was just thinking though that it's interesting that I try to forwarn someone when I'm having some sort of psychological episode, but it only seems to enhance it more.
[19:11] Jem: Catch 22
[19:11] Jem: Okay, go on
[19:12] Jem: Trust me, I can have 9 conversations at once right now
[19:13] Christian: when he gets up the next morning, it is gone - the fridge is empty and there's a sticky white mess on carpet
[19:13] Christian: he decides to look up their behaviour to see if he can deduce what happened or how he might find it
[19:14] Christian: opens the encyclopedia and finds it - it reads;
[19:14] Christian: Koala Bear - eats shoots and leaves
[19:15] Jem: Oh, God.
[19:15] Jem: I had to read that like six times
[19:15] Christian: ha ha ha
[19:16] Jem: I need thoughts that come in twenty seconds or less.
[19:16] Christian: it's one of the best that one
And even more nonsense goes on......
[19:16] Jem: You really probably shouldn't be talking to me.
[19:16] Jem: It's dangerous.
[19:17] CHRISTIAN: if you could say it in so many words - what is it like being done to your brain right now?
[19:17] Jem: What?
[19:17] Jem: Physically?
[19:17] Jem: Mentally?
[19:17] CHRISTIAN: what's it like - is it a physical sensation anywhere?
[19:17] Jem: Emotionally?
[19:17] Jem: Well, the physical is mostly from the alcohol
[19:17] CHRISTIAN: is it a rollercoaster ride? - do you have an elevated sense of motion?
[19:18] Jem: Of course!
[19:18] Jem: No, it's just like, everything is awesome
[19:18] CHRISTIAN: describe it like your alongside commentating - like the Oxford & Cambridge Boat Race
[19:18] Jem: It's hard to do.
[19:19] Jem: That would take some more concentration than what I have available right now.
[19:19] CHRISTIAN: pickle a bit off and deliver it slowly in words
[19:19] Jem: Why would I do that.
[19:19] Jem: This is much more grand
[19:19] Jem: I'm sure the cosmos aren't helping, but I can hardly bear to simplify
[19:19] Jem: I feel like going to a rock show.
[19:20] Jem: And moshing and kicking all the guys with tattoos and piercing and all their overdone shit's asses!
[19:20] Jem: I just don't know where to expel energy
[19:20] Jem: The fact that I can even type at all is a miracle.
[19:20] Jem: I'm totally going to do a typing test.
[19:20] CHRISTIAN: well - I know someone who talked about what went on in his brain, or related things he did in his lifetime - sometimes while he talked I was aware of things falling, always white, like dandruff.... it's like he was talking it off your head, it went in sync like that
[19:21] Jem: Naw, fuck that. There's no time for that!
[19:21] Jem: There's just what is in this second.
[19:21] Jem: You know?
[19:21] CHRISTIAN: well - you're actually doing it......
[19:21] Jem: I'm trying to describe and still stay where I am.
[19:22] CHRISTIAN: I just meant the experience, rather than the things it makes you think
[19:22] Jem: Yeah, but the experience is all about what it makes me think
[19:22] Jem: Halfway through a sentence, I'm like, "Should I type that?
[19:22] Jem: Oops, I hit enter anyway
[19:22] CHRISTIAN: if that's pretty much it - I guess I answered my own question - it's a burgeoning sense of awesomeness
[19:23] Jem: okay, typing test. Cra
[19:23] Jem: carp
[19:23] Jem: crap
[19:23] Jem: typing test
[19:23] Jem: brb
[19:23] CHRISTIAN: k
[19:24] Jem: It's just one minute, so I won't be long
[19:24] CHRISTIAN: righto
[19:25] Jem: Crap, that sucked.
[19:25] CHRISTIAN: you mean you romped it?
[19:26] Jem: I just kept fucking up because I didn't know how it worked.
[19:26] Jem: I only got 70 words a minute because I screwed up so much.
[19:26] Jem: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
[19:27] CHRISTIAN: how about - you type something - I time you from the beginning of 'Jem is typing' until it arrives - then tot that up for wpm
[19:27] CHRISTIAN: that's some energy you can use up spontaneously and creatively
[19:27] CHRISTIAN: freeform some stuff
[19:28] CHRISTIAN: any words - first things that come into your head
[19:28] Jem: Well, that was a little better.
[19:28] Jem: But not a lot.
[19:28] Jem: What do you want me to type?
[19:28] CHRISTIAN: not necessarily sentences - just ad lib - impromptu
[19:28] Jem: Oh, I'm shit at that
[19:28] CHRISTIAN: literally just pour words out
[19:28] CHRISTIAN: like......:
[19:29] Jem: I'll totally draw a blank
[19:29] Jem: What?
[19:29] Jem: Bitches man, bitches
[19:29] CHRISTIAN: dog fish cat gold money water bucket think form another gone do and swear mother God possibly have fording hover
[19:29] CHRISTIAN: right off the top of your head
[19:30] Jem: Dude, my ass hurts
[19:30] Jem: I'll just end up typing
[19:30] Jem: l;kaj sdl;fjia oeija
[19:30] Jem: wer as;llsaldkjadskf
[19:30] Jem: ha;lksje traeiwojk
[19:30] Jem: ldkfg [aw'0
[19:30] Jem: I'll get too excited.
[19:30] CHRISTIAN: k - well that's discounted from the final score
[19:30] Jem: There is no score.
[19:31] CHRISTIAN: dead easy really
[19:31] CHRISTIAN: there is there's a wpm - and non-words are not counted
[19:31] Jem: Do you know how much concentration it took just to read those three words?
[19:31] Jem: Too much
[19:31] Jem: Non-words could be interesting though
[19:31] CHRISTIAN: ok - we'll do that...... new and interesting words
[19:32] Jem: Having a biploar compete is like saying, "Hey, punch me in the face like 100 times."
[19:32] Jem: You should see what I'm having to type over right now
[19:32] Jem: Its pathetic
[19:32] CHRISTIAN: fongglepparagnif
[19:32] Jem: See, that totally makes sense to me
[19:32] CHRISTIAN: do that then
[19:32] Jem: WHat/
[19:32] Jem: what?
[19:32] Jem: What?
[19:32] Jem: Do what?
[19:32] CHRISTIAN: graxampilllificumpile
[19:33] Jem: What is that?
[19:33] CHRISTIAN: made it up
[19:33] Jem: Wh?
[19:33] Jem: WhY?
[19:33] Jem: Why/
[19:33] CHRISTIAN: go....!
[19:33] Jem: Why?
[19:33] CHRISTIAN: do it
[19:33] Jem: What?
[19:33] Jem: Do what?
[19:33] CHRISTIAN: make some up
More nonsense.....
[19:34] Jem: Am I twelve? Geez, what did I just say?
[19:34] Jem: By the way, don't let me forget that I have to leave in the next 30 minutes.
[19:34] Jem: I might forget.
[19:34] Jem: I can't forget.
[19:34] CHRISTIAN: Jem.......
[19:34] Jem: Truly outrageous!
[19:34] Jem: Truly, truly, truly, truly, truly outrageous.
[19:34] Jem: What?
[19:34] Jem: Did you call?
[19:35] CHRISTIAN: you have to leave in the next thirty minutes
[19:35] CHRISTIAN: don't forget
[19:35] Jem: Yeah, I know.
[19:35] CHRISTIAN: ;)
[19:35] Jem: Just don't let me forget
[19:35] CHRISTIAN: I just reminded you
[19:35] Jem: Yeah, but don't let me forget.
[19:35] CHRISTIAN: haven't you got a computer alarm?
[19:36] Jem: Probably. I'm not figuring that shit out.
[19:36] Jem: That would take too long
[19:36] Jem: I have a phone alarm too and an actual alarm, but I'm not going for that.
[19:36] Jem: It's a conspiracy.
[19:36] CHRISTIAN: useful if you want to set a time and remind yourself
[19:36] CHRISTIAN: so you don't forget
[19:36] Jem: Yeah, but it would take so much time to set up.
[19:37] Jem: Hey, did you read my blog?
[19:37] Jem: Yet?
[19:37] CHRISTIAN: what page is it on?
[19:37] Jem: My Space
[19:37] CHRISTIAN: I saw the new MySpace one
[19:37] Jem: Silly rabbit
[19:37] Jem: I put two up, but the other was a little shorter
[19:37] Jem: Crap, why do I have to go drink with the boys?
[19:38] Jem: I mean, I want to, but then I have to leave typing to you really really fast.
[19:38] CHRISTIAN: because you want to
[19:38] Jem: Good answer.
[19:38] Jem: But still
[19:38] Jem: I updated my page some more today
[19:39] CHRISTIAN: try maybe leaving in fifteen minutes and doing something else too..... An interim period of other stuff
[19:39] CHRISTIAN: not typing - not drinking - something else
[19:39] Jem: What?
[19:39] CHRISTIAN: a handstand
[19:39] Jem: That doesn't even make sense.
[19:39] Jem: If you think I can get this ass over my head, you got a big surprise coming your way.
[19:40] CHRISTIAN: forward rolls
[19:40] Jem: My ass is like one of those that you could set a drink on and follow behind like a coffee table.
[19:40] CHRISTIAN: look out the window and say something
[19:40] Jem: Again, ass over head.
Then some really terribly awesome things were said....
[20:00] Jem: So, did you really want to talk about that book?
[20:00] Jem: Seems as though I have an extra minute or so.
[20:00] CHRISTIAN: I'm just sourcing a paragraph from it
[20:00] CHRISTIAN: but it's not related to the possible affinity you could have with it
[20:01] CHRISTIAN: it's about someone who is pulled from the brink of death after an accident
[20:02] CHRISTIAN: there's a point in the hospital where they're choosing who to save - they can only save one life with what they have
[20:02] CHRISTIAN: and they have two potential fatalities
[20:02] CHRISTIAN: they bring back the guy people would generally say is the best of the two - a banker
[20:03] CHRISTIAN: the other guy is shot up or something from a confrontation with the police
[20:03] CHRISTIAN: so they leave him for dead
[20:04] CHRISTIAN: but his own fight for life - not the effort of the doctors - means he clambers 'in limbo' into the body of the banker - the banker wakes up as two people
[20:05] CHRISTIAN: thought you might draw parallels with it
[20:06] Jem: So, you're thinking this is more like split personality then?
[20:06] Jem: I mean, sometimes, I'm not getting pissy. Just curious as to what you think it's like.
[20:06] CHRISTIAN: no - it touches upon the very real sense of being just one person
[20:07] CHRISTIAN: everyone else would see it as a distinct difference if they saw both sides to it
[20:08] CHRISTIAN: his dog can sense it - growls at him and hides
[20:08] CHRISTIAN: he gets really rough with his wife, she notices that right away
[20:09] CHRISTIAN: you'd probably find a similarity in a way I couldn't figure though - and know a deeper meaning to it that I haven't discovered in my unipolarity
[20:10] Jem: You think you're so unipolar, eh?
[20:10] CHRISTIAN: I think I'm all of everything
[20:11] CHRISTIAN: but mainly concentrated in this one physical body here - using it's senses, getting around in it
[20:11] Jem: That's not what Im' saying at all.
[20:11] CHRISTIAN: I believe in cause and effect
[20:11] Jem: Of course it's all confined in one place.
[20:11] Jem: Sometimes though, it just spills the fuck over.
[20:12] CHRISTIAN: I put a kettle on though - and it uses electricity
[20:12] CHRISTIAN: it's not just me making a drink
[20:12] Jem: Hm?
[20:12] CHRISTIAN: someone makes electric - someone runs water to your house
[20:12] Jem: Well, some"one" doesnt' make electicity, it already exists.
[20:13] Jem: Water was here before anyone even knew about electricity.
[20:13] Jem: And a shit load of it.
[20:13] CHRISTIAN: boiling a kettle of water involves a lot more than just me on my own
[20:13] Jem: Well, yes, but still. It's not just you or a human or God or anyone thing either.
[20:13] CHRISTIAN: yeah - you're talking about the kind of water I have to find a stream and a means to carry water back from
[20:13] Jem: It all boils down to that is what you decided to do with the resources you were given.
[20:13] CHRISTIAN: then it involves only me
[20:14] Jem: Sometimes, just boiling water involves so many things to think about that your brain can't take it and it just cums out like a rocket, knowing there's more to it, but not particulaly caring why.
[20:14] CHRISTIAN: the electric and water utilities are other matter - other people and the cause and effect on that scale is appreciated as involving other lifeforms
[20:15] Jem: People don't cause water and electicity though
[20:15] Jem: They may provide it to you, but they have nothing to do with it.
[20:15] Jem: It seems a shame to have to pay for it.
[20:15] Jem: No one owns it.
[20:15] CHRISTIAN: going to a stream on my own is the same thing - and I'll will ingest the water and so have that connection in a 'part of everything' way
[20:16] Jem: You should come here. I would take you to the most amazing place to get what I'm saying.
[20:16] CHRISTIAN: but to have fresh water delivered to your house with a running tap for as much as you want when you want it - that's a feat of engineering and coordination
[20:16] Jem: And that would be the only purpose.
[20:16] CHRISTIAN: it is contrived - and they're in business because someone uses it
[20:17] CHRISTIAN: in essence - I'm part of everything
[20:17] Jem: Well, yes.
[20:17] Jem: Silly
[20:17] CHRISTIAN: that's the everything without any other thing to consider
[20:17] CHRISTIAN: there's no 'outside the box' - I mean absolutely everything
[20:17] Jem: Which is always good
[20:18] Jem: As is
[20:18] Jem: My two favorite words togethre
[20:18] Jem: together
[20:18] CHRISTIAN: yes - the 'U' of Hilton's law
[20:18] CHRISTIAN: U=everything
[20:18] CHRISTIAN: M=stuff
[20:18] CHRISTIAN: V=space
[20:19] Jem: Do you know the three best words together though?
[20:19] CHRISTIAN: everything is stuff in space
[20:19] Jem: That is the real question.
[20:19] CHRISTIAN: three best words
[20:19] Jem: yes
[20:19] Jem: Any clues?
[20:19] CHRISTIAN: knew it was that
[20:19] CHRISTIAN: just the one you gave me
[20:20] CHRISTIAN: the answer's always in the question
[20:20] Jem: Not entirely
[20:20] CHRISTIAN: but.... then the question cannot be asked
[20:20] Jem: Unless it's entirely vague
[20:20] Jem: Which most of my questions are
[20:20] Jem: ;)
[20:21] Jem: There's "as is" and then there's "come what may"
[20:21] Jem: The two best phrases in the English language>
[20:21] Jem: .
[20:21] CHRISTIAN: we're polishing up "innit" at the moment
[20:22] Jem: It's such a pity I have to run, but .....
[20:22] Jem: come what ma
[20:22] Jem: may
[20:22] Jem: I must be off
[20:22] Jem: Fetching boys to get schnockered with.
[20:22] CHRISTIAN: ke sara innit? "Come what may"
[20:22] Jem: I hope you've had a good time though. ;)
[20:23] CHRISTIAN: I'll be on my lonesome thinking of you
[20:23] Jem: There comes a day when you wonder why it's so hard to leave an electronic machine.
[20:23] CHRISTIAN: because there's a woman in it?
[20:23] Jem: Well, not particularly for me.
[20:24] CHRISTIAN: it's a step up from a hamster at any rate
[20:24] Jem: Well, um, thanks?
[20:24] Jem: Uh, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said?
[20:24] Jem: Or something?
[20:24] CHRISTIAN: now I haven't got a hamster to say "don't be cheeky" to
[20:25] Jem: Would you really say that to me though?
[20:25] CHRISTIAN: depends on whether you were stuffing your mouth full of food
[20:25] CHRISTIAN: (a hamster joke)
[20:26] Jem: Well, my cheeks are quite puffy.
[20:26] Jem: Or my puffs are quite cheeky.
[20:28] CHRISTIAN: me and you are probably well matched for saying things like that
[20:28] CHRISTIAN: cos I'm an absolute guerilla at it
[20:28] Jem: I thought you'd like it.
[20:28] Jem: Yes, you are the king
[20:29] Jem: You know, you are the most interesting person I've talked to in the last five minutes.
[20:30] CHRISTIAN: sheesh - I hardly said anything the last five minutes - what's wrong?
[20:30] CHRISTIAN: and then we discussed utilites in that time.....
[20:31] Jem: Nothing's wrong, m'dear. I just think it's sad when people don't say things like, "You've really been a fucking amazing person to know," or "You've really made me smile" or anyting else that could matter.
[20:31] Jem: I think people should just say when time spent has been important .
[20:31] CHRISTIAN: I getcha ;)
[20:31] Jem: And I'm just not good at that sort of thing.
[20:32] CHRISTIAN: You're like next generation of best things since sliced bread....
[20:32] CHRISTIAN: best thing's daughter I guess
[20:33] Jem: I hate to cut things off, but I really must go. I just didn't particularly want to go one more day without saying something embarrisingly cheesy.
[20:33] Jem: It's unnecessary.
[20:33] Jem: All things are too short, not just life.
[20:33] CHRISTIAN: no worries - enjoy your bevvies
[20:33] Jem: I certainly will.
[20:33] Jem: You as well.
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