So, more things to think about after long hours of online conversations. The thing about talking to people online is that no matter what, you are always trying to say something better than you would in real life. It doesn't necessarily change what you would say, but more in how you would say it. Sometimes, you find yourself even more profound than you ever thought you would be.
Something I've been thinking on though that I said yesterday is the point that I have been trying to make to myself for quite sometime though.
I will never be well off. I will never have more than I need or just enough to get by. I will always struggle. It's my MO. It's what I'm good at. Just getting by. Maybe someday someone or something will reach up and grab me in the butt and I won't quite make it, but until that day arrives, my goal is to struggle. I know that I can struggle. I've done it many times. It's something that I'm comfortable in. I'm fairly certain that the day I would win a million dollars that I would be hit by a meteor before I could leave the gas station. In which case everything will go to my husband because he is the type to get things that are given to him and not much he has earned. That's just the way things work out for me. Be it said here and now, give him enough to pay off our house bills if they still exist at that point, and then split the rest between my family (mom, dad and brother) and the gang. This being my last will and testament should I win the lottery and be immediately killed by a irreconcilable force of nature (which is bound to be the case).
Struggle is inevitable whether it be personal or financial and chances are that it is both. Struggle is the thing that we all must endure to appreciate anything. If you look at the Paris Hilton's and the fact that she has never and may never actually struggle, you also see what she appreciates. Enough said, I would suppose.
As I see things right now, I think struggling to get by is truly the way to live life. It makes you see who your friends are, what you do have when you feel like you've lost everything, what you can stand to lose and still survive.
Struggle, in turn, turns out to be the true testament of a person. It's what makes us into unique creatures that understand the other. Struggle is about our experiences.
I would venture to say that people with bipolar, people with most chemical imbalances at this point, have certainly had to struggle just to keep one thought in their head most days, so I guess it could be fair to say that we appreciate more making us appear more crazy than we are. Of course, I don't think of myself particularly special due to this fact. I venture to believe that just about everyone will have joined chemicals enough one day to make crazy the new normal. I do believe though that it has made me who I am, as delusional as I might be most days.
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