My Bipolar Journal - Episode 101

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 101

August 25, 2007

So, another example of Humankind walked into my bar yesterday. About a dozen or so P&Ger's came in to get hammered and complain about their lives. It was an interesting scenario though. Usually at home I see these Humans complaining about their jobs and at their jobs I see them complaining about their families. This opened up a whole new ideal system because we were neither here nor there, so the complaining was about all of it. There was the girl that asked stupid questions to the lesbian couple about being lesbians, the girl that thought she could make me feel bad about myself because I wasn't wearing a bra, the girl whose every story was bout "the time she was sooooo drunk" and the guy that (although they were both married) was trying to get in her pants.

I did get to hear that infamous, honest conversation that most of my friends have had with me. "Neither my wife or I planned to have kids, at least not right then.... but it happened... now I'm three kids in and it's great, but if I had to do it again...." Humans are such an interesting species. An entire planet full of people who are making decision based on things they are told are natural and should be done. Like if you haven't been married or had kids or found that perfect job behind a desk that somehow your life has not yet reached some pinnacle. It's my infamous answer to "the easy way out". If you think I could not go out and do these things, you are mentally retarded. I proved two out of three of those things. I don't think I can have kids, but even if I couldn't, I could adopt. Life would be so much "simpler". Right? I could be one of those people, but who wants to complain all the time? No one would judge me for choosing my life behind a bar, music and all the people I love in the scene behind it.

I like my life. I like my job. I can barely even call it a job. I love that Monday I will be driving to Nashville to meet people I would not have the fortune of knowing if it weren't for me enduring the struggle I had to go through to get to the point that I'm now at. Is my life perfect? Not by any stretch. If it were, I would die. There would be nothing else to achieve if life were perfect so why bother with trying to find the perfect life? You know what? I do have the perfect life because of it's imperfections and struggles. My friendships are perfect because we fight and argue and make misconceptions about each other, but love wins out over all every single time and true love means that you love that person enough to call them out and tell them you think they're making mistakes. If they still choose to make those mistakes, then that is something that you can't control, but is it better to call someone out and watch them go through something horrible or sit silently by and pretend to be happy and support the decision. Not supporting a decision is not the same as not supporting a person.

A true friend, whom I've always known was true, somehow even became more genuine to me yesterday and made me realize maybe I was wrong about Episode 87. I hope I am. I'm so glad to know that there are people who get that... who get me and will call out my imperfections and forgive me for them unconditionally. This person is a commonly over-looked and misunderstood person, much like myself. I love that about him. I love that he went the extra mile to cheer me up. A person who is commonly not known for going the extra mile for someone like me.

Receiving some of the worst news in the universe and fighting with someone making a decision I cannot support almost makes it worth it when it brings out a friendship that you truly were unsure about and brings you around to the land of Sure (yes, I know, confident, confident, dry and secure). It makes the bad things you said to someone else somehow more justified, more honest and makes you feel as though you made the right decision by saying the things you said.... because someone out there knows you're worth it. Everyone should take a moment to just send a quick message to person who makes you know that you're worth it and say it. EVERYONE! If I could challenge people to one thing it would be to text, write or send that message to the one person who lifted you up when you were down and say those three words, "You're worth it". If they ask, "Worth what?".... the answer should be obvious. Everything. They're worth everything.

Everyone here (even the bands I've never met on these pages)... you are all worth it. If I knew you for five minutes or a few hours.... you were worth those moments. I'm in love with you all for one reason or another and that is ALL so much better than finding one person to share legalities with for the rest of your existence.