For real. Babies. Why is everyone trying to get you to hold them all the time? Is it like, "Look what I can do?" or are they trying to make me jealous or am I supposed to be happy for them? I can understand sort of when it's my friends, but when total strangers come around and act like you are supposed to fawn over their children it just makes me sick.
"Congratulations! You've just squeezed out a big pile of goo that looks like a raisin. You must be so proud. By the way, when was the last time you had a thought of your own. Oh, probably right before you said, 'Hey! Where'd I put that condem? Oh, well, fuck it, let's do it anyway.'"
I cannot feasibly understand the concept of kids. They're obnoxious, can't do anything for themselves and you're not supposed to leave them home alone. Why not? What are they going to do? Poop? Cry? They can do that while you're there. I think you should watch them more when they're teenagers and not leave them alone then. That's when they get in trouble.
Upon enlightening some friends on my thoughts of children I was asked, "I hope you keep some kind of birth control in that bag."
So now, everyone presumes I have sex with boys? Now, it's a reasonable request. I appreciate that they would at least ask such a question, but I responded, "I don't have sex with boys, so I figure that works pretty well for not getting pregnant." As far as I know, there's only been one reported case of pregnancy without sex in the history of the Earth, so I think I'm good. I think if someone were to ask God to give me an immaculate conception he would slap his knee and laugh and say, "Have you ever met Jenn? I mean, I know I have a little insight because I created her, but I thought I made her fairly obvious."
The thing about people who want babies to me is that for some reason they feel incomplete themselves, like it would take some whole other person to make them who they are. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but I dont' understand it. I remember when I was married too and my husband was overseas I was worried about him all the time because I'm an over-worrier (another reason I should keep away from kids). I thought that if something did happen to him on a flight or something that it would have been nice to have something that much a part of him. At the same time though, we're both so crazy, why would we want to make something that has a little bit of each of us in it. I just can't fathom it, especially now.
Am I saying I'm immune to children? I would like to be, but I know to never say never. If I had one, hopefully I'd do the right thing. Hopefully I wouldn't have a heathen such as myself running around making everyone else's life miserable. Given the choice to have a hysterectomy though, I would take it. One less decision to make. If women can pay to have their boobs enhanced, fat sucked from their bodies, staples inserted into their stomach and chemicals injected into their face, surely they should be allowed to decide at any given point if they want to have their ovaries removed.
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