Monday, July 30, 2007

My Bipolar Journal - Episode 87

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 87

July 30, 2007

Lately really I've been thinking that nothing could possibly happen to screw things up. Now, I'm not so naive to think that actually true, but the theory I have behind it is much more phenomenal than the reality of it. I wouldn't be alive if I wasn't heading towards a low sometimes. The point is how to deal with it and looking at things from a new perspective. I mean, I truly am lucky. I have had some of the most amazing experiences. Things that I know for a fact people won't ever get to experience. I feel as though it's because of people's experience and expectations for life. I truly am beginning to believe that the belief that life is a constant struggle is one that we are conditioned to believe and nothing else. It's not to say that there aren't struggles. It's insane to believe otherwise, but we just expect it. Marriage is hard, having kids is hard, your job is hard, your dreams... who has time for dreams? We're all so busy struggling.

Don't get me wrong. I feel challenged. I feel challenged right here and right now in this moment. I am refusing to go down without a fight and it is a fight, but I'm so lucky to have something to fight for and be challenged for and cry over and make my way towards. Pending my challenge is not met makes no true difference except to me. If I'm able to learn and find this happiness even if only for a few precious moments it is all worth it and it is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

I love my friends. I love them for the good inside as well as the bad. I'm so happy about the way they make my heart feel, even when it's sad and hurt because I am lucky enough to care enough to be sad and be hurt. There's truly no greater satisfaction.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

My Bipolar Journal - Episode 86

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 86

July 28, 2007

Many things going through my mind. Mostly revolving around the term "satisfaction". I can't even begin to truly explain how content I truly am right now and I feel so lucky because even if it is a bipolar fixation, I will thank my lucky stars for it because most people in this short time we're all given here, will never experience the amount of contentment and satisfaction I feel in this very moment (note time those of you who may peruse, but never actually subscribe to my blog). Okay, that was sad. Basically, if you were, oh, let's say, all of one person you'll get that.

I don't care though. I don't care about who reads into my little innuendos and who does not. I try to make sure that I am subscribed to every one of my friends blogged. I was told this might be "stalkish". I was more thinking I might be becoming too nosey. I described this (or maybe excused it) as a fascination with the way people interpret their lives. I personally have no secrets, nothing to hide, nothing to not share about myself or the ongoings of what goes on with me. I was told I give too much information last night, but really what is that? Me excusing people's comfortability level? Maybe some things don't need to be said, but does that make it wrong for us to say them? Or does it just point out other people's inability to accept certain parts or you or maybe themselves? Me? You can say anything. I don't care if it's about your dog or your mom or how you feel about me or other people. It may not make me personally interested in your life, but anything you feel the desire to say that you feel is important is ok by me. I don't mind if it's about the latest girl/guy that dumped you or your latest dump (yes, literally, not figuratively).

Really, what right do we have to shut in any part of our lives and not share it with others? Because we're afraid of what they might think? Because we're afraid of who we are or who we can admit to being? Dude, so you sucked a dude's cock. I'm not saying that you should go skipping through the streets making a song out of it with a big sandwich board attached, but what's wrong with the pure enjoyment that you may have gotten out of it? What's wrong with saying it?

The art of contentment can truly be defined in being completely satisfied with your life and the choices that you've made regardless of other people being comfortable or uncomfortable with them. I like My Chemical Romance. I like all of their albums, even Black Parade. Does that mean I've sold out? Maybe so. Do I know that I truly respect them as musicians and that I truly get enjoyment out of the epics they've created through their music, regardless of the changes in their musical style, corporately related or otherwise? I absolutely do. I absolutely get a surge of a emotion at their music that is all mine that no one else told me to have or not to have. I watch American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance. No, I don't have cable and literally hundreds of options, but can I deny the satisfaction I get at watching them or actually, the lessons I've learned from them?

I love the fact that everything in my life has meaning. I love that I found love. True love. The love that will last me a lifetime whether I ever truly have it again or not. I revel in the fact that I have these moments and that even when it hurts that it's gone that it's the most satisfied, unexplainable, all-knowing, whole hurt that I've had. Most people will never get to experience what I have experienced because most people are truly conditioned to believe the false advertisement of a happy ending.

I hate to break it to everyone, but finding the perfect love, the perfect job, the perfect life, is not what you ever think it will be. The perfect life is full of hurt and disappointment and truly accepting that your life can be that. You have to know that at the end of every disappointment there is a happier, more satisfied feeling around the corner. This world is conditioned to be disappointed. That marriage and relationships and friendships and money and so much more is never enough or hard work. I am living proof that it doesn't have to be. I don't make a million dollars, I don't live in a big house in the perfect location or have 2.5 kids and a dog, but I love my life. The only things that could make it better is having the love of my life and an Airstream trailor. I love the idea of saying, "It's too hot today, I think I'll move." Does it make me a hippie or a hopeless romantic? No. I don't like smoking weed, I don't like Phish or Dave Matthews, I don't want to camp out every day of my life, but I do love my freedom. I'm the only one that can take that away from myself. It doesn't make me any of those labels. All it makes me is truly and completely and obsessively myself and wholly and completely content. Do I need to be happy when I'm content? I really don't think that's the lesson.

P.S. For those of you who have helped me come to this in my life (and anyone who is my friend here is), a thousand times thanks. You are truly what makes my life worth living and I'll never take it for granted.

Friday, July 27, 2007

My Bipolar Journal - Episode 85

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 85

July 27, 2007

Hey! Fucking non-bulletining My Space.

There is a new Protest the Hero video which makes me a very, very happy girl. I have posted it on my front page along with the other Protest the Hero videos you should watch. It's for "The Divine Suicide of K".

My critique: It is a very sexy video with many lipstick lesbian and vampire scenes, but nowhere near the greatness of "Heretics & Killers" or "Blindfolds Aside", but still better than any other videos I ever watch. The creepiest part isn't the possibility of being freaked out and homophobic or vampire scenes, it's the scene where the chick is doing dental work. Ew. Still mesmerizing. I love you Protest the Hero. You are my heroes.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

My Bipolar Journal - Episode 84

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 84

July 22, 2007

So, I wrote this whole big blog about shows to go to and all sorts of things and then the magic internet erased it out.

I'm quite content currently. I'm not sure what to do with that. I have one thing prying at my brain right now, a subject that a friend of mine brought up rather randomly and not even directed at me during a conversation we had this past week. I've been thinking a lot about prayer, but I don't know why I'm thinking about it or what to think about it. I pray pretty often, but not in long conversations like I used to. I haven't been the pray out loud type since I was in high school. Prayer, if I recall the Bible correctly, is supposed to be a conversation with you and God and, well, I don't think God's the type of dude that wants you to be Mr. Loud Cell phone Talker. I understand the reasoning behind praying with someone, but congregational prayer has always been sort of like slowing down at a car wreck. See? I don't know where I'm going with this at all. I have no point, but I'm just thinking about it. I think I want to talk about it with my friend and will probably make a point to do so when I see him this week. Things seem to take direction when I talk to him or really anyone.

I'm growing increasingly tired of being blamed for drama that other people start. I think I'm on my way to getting out of it, but I am 30 fucking years old and I'm not the deceptive, lying type. I'm always happy to be there for my friends, but things have gotten out of control with some. I'll get it sorted out.

One thing I seem to have been thinking and preaching on lately is that with friendships you have to take the bad with the good and you can only hope that your friends will do the same. Bailing when people frustrate you is just no good at all and really not the nature of why friendships are supposed to exist. Maybe it opens you up to be taken advantage of from time to time, but that's also kind of the nature of it. Decisions can be made to not accept those people that do, but I always find more good in the good than bad in the bad when it comes to people that I care about.

Hmmm... I thought maybe this would help me sort out feelings and stuff, but I'm still just thinking and not going anywhere in my head.

I'm content though.

Monday, July 16, 2007

My Bipolar Journal - Episode 83

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 83

July 16, 2007

It sucks to take the bullet

But I'll do it for you

I didn't say I wouldn't fight it

Oh, the things you make me do

It sucks to be the one

Who cares more than the other

But I didn't say I'd change

For you or any other

Oh the things you make me do

Oh the things you make me do

Oh the things you make me do

Are really only things that I choose do

It hurts to watch you passively

And from a distant shore

It makes me sad and weepy

Only making me want more

It makes my body ache

My heart consumes with fire

I never signed up for this

So why's there this desire

Oh the things you make me do

Oh the things you make me do

Oh the things you make me do

Are really only things that I choose to do

So you may have left me

But you never left me wanting more

So you may have lied to me

But it was worth it

It was worth it

It was worth it

It was worth it

Oh the things you make me do

Oh the things you make me do

Oh the things you make me do

Oh the things you make me do

My Bipolar Journal - Episode 82

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 82

July 16, 2007

Okay, I'm on a roll. I had a quotes page once upon a time, so enjoy some of my favorites:

"From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm interested in. " Billy Crudup as Russell Hammond, Almost Famous

"They don't even know what it is to be a fan. Y'know? To truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band, so much that it hurts." Faruza Balk as Sapphire, Almost Famous

"Of course I'm home. I'm always home. I'm uncool." Philip Seymour Hoffman as Lester Bands, Amost Famous

"The only true currency in this bankrupt world... is what you share with someone else when you're uncool." Philip Seymour Hoffman as Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

"Look under your bed, it will set you free." Zooey Deschanel as Anita Miller, Almost Famous

"When and where does this 'real world' occur?" Patrick Fuget as William Miller, Almost Famous

"I didn't invent the rainy day, man. I just own the best umbrella." Jimmy Falon as Dennis Hope, Almost Famous

"Some people have a hard time explaining rock 'n' roll. I don't think anyone can really explain rock 'n' roll. Except Pete Townshend, but that's okay. Rock 'n' roll is a lifestyle and a way of thinking... and it's not about money and popularity. Although, some money would be nice. But it's a voice that says, 'Here I am... and fuck you if you can't understand me.' And one of these people is gonna save the world. And that means that rock 'n' roll can save the world... all of us together. And the chicks are great. But what it all comes down to is that thing. The indefinable thing when people catch something in your music." Jason Lee as Jeff Bebe, Almost Famous

"To the man who invariably says, 'Really? Okay,' instead of 'You want to do what?'" Book Dedication, Kim Harrison

"With fame I become more and more stupid, which is a common phenomenon." Albert Einstein

"Let him, like us, love and know it is hopeless" Ted Hughes

"You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing." Michael Pritchard

"Someone's boring me. I think it's me." Dylan Thomas

"Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays." Oscar Wilde

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music." Vladimir Nabokov

"Always get married in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day." Mickey Rooney

"I no doubt deserved my enemies, but i don't believe I deserved my friends." Walt Whitman

"God heals and the doctor takes the fees." Benjamin Franklin

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up on reading." Henny Youngman

"Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important." Natalie Goldberg

"Almost nobody dances sober, unless they happen to be insane." H.P. Lovecraft

"My favorite animal is steak." Fran Lebowitz

"Nothing endures but change." Heraclitus

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gives it to." Dorothy Parker

"Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else." James M. Barrie

"Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public." Robert Morley

"Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed." Don Wood

"How vain is it to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live." Henry David Thoreau

"Why do writers write? Because it isn't there." Thomas Berger

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." Robin Williams

"Only two things are infinate, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." Albert Einstein

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." Bill Watterson

"The essential of poetry are rhythm, dance and the human voice." Earle Birney

"To have great poets, there must be great audiences too." Walt Whitman

"If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there." Lewis Carroll

"Maybe everyone out there is a liar. And maybe the whole world is stupid, and ignorant. But I'd rather be in it. Id' rather be fucking in it, than down here with you." Winona Ryder, Girl Interrupted

"All mortals tend to turn into the things they are pretending to be." C.S. Lewis

My Favorite Quotable People

Mark Twain

"Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself."

"Whatever a man's age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his button-hole."

"Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass."

"Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat."

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me now I would go to that man and take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him."

"When in doubt, tell the truth."

"I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse."

"Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."

"What a good thing Adamhad. When he said a good thing, he knew nobody had said it before."

"All generalizations are usually false, including this one."

"But who pray for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner who needed it most?"

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write the word 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first."

"Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary."

"What a wee little part of a person's life are in his acts and words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to no one but himself."

"The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter."

"Alright then, I'll go to hell."

Dr. Suess

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There's no one alive who is Youer than You."

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality if finally better than your dreams."

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it's happened."

"I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've brought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"

"How did it get late so soon?"

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope, which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities."

"Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them."

"If you never did, you should. These things are fun and fun is good."

"You are you. Now isn't that pleasant?"

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."

"My alphabet starts with this letter called yuzz. It's the letter I use to spell yuzz-a-ma-tuzz. You'll be sort of surprised what there is to be found once you go beyond 'Z' and start poking around."

"All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you'll be quite a lot!"

"I'm sorry to say so, but, sadly, it's true that bang-ups and hang-ups can happen to you."

"You can get help from teachers, but you're going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room."

"Shorth is better than length."

"If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn't show up."

"Thank goodness for all the things you are not! Thank goodness you're not something someone forgot!"

"It's all a troublesome world. All the people who are in it are troubled with troubles almost every minute. You ought to be thankful a whole heaping lot, for the places and people you're lucky you're not."

"Oh, the things you can find if you don't stay behind."

"A person's a person, no matter how small."

Groucho Marx

"I never forget a face, but in your case, I will be glad to make an exception."

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it is too dark to read."

"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough." Groucho Marx

Abraham Lincoln

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"

"No man has a good enough memory to make a successful lier."

"Whatever you are, be a good one."

"When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That is my religion."

George Carlin

"Okay, that's it. I gotta go watch my dog take a shit.
Thanks for visiting. Stay cool, and don't believe anything the Bush administration tells you. In fact, play it safe: don't believe anything anybody tells you."

"We're all fucked. It helps to remember that."

"'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?"

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

Eleanor Roosevelt

"You must do the thing that you think you cannot do."

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"Remember that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."

"I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on. Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life."

Angelina Jolie

"I don't believe in guilt, I believe in living on impulse as long as you never intentionally hurt another person, and don't judge people in your life. I think you should live completely free."

"If I think more about death than some other people, it is probably because I love life more than they do."

"Without pain, there would be no suffering, without suffering we would never learn from over mistakes. To make it right, pain and suffering is the key to all windows, without it, there is no way of life."

"The truth is I love being alive. And I love feeling free. So if I can't have those things then I feel like a caged animal and I'd rather not be in a cage. I'd rather be dead. And it's real simple. And I think it's not that uncommon."

"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different...I'd rather be completely fucking mental."

"I would like to be open with the public. I would like to not keep secrets or be careful when I talk. I don't want to have to plan things...I want to be outspoken. I want to say my opinions and I hope they're taken in the right way. I don't want to stop being free. And I won't."

"We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly... Only after we have lost everything, are we free to do anything... Throw things out there and not be perfect and not have answers to anything and see if people understand"

"Some people say you are going the wrong way, when it's simply a way of your own.

"I have to go! I have to go! Everybody has to go! Where the Fuck does everybody go when they have to go, huh?" (from Gia)

"Life and death. Energy and peace. If I stopped today, it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I have made, and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul. It was worth it for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, though it, in it and above..." (from Gia)

"This is life not heaven, you don't have to be perfect." (from Gia)

"A word of advice, don't point your fucking finger at crazy people!" (from Girl Interrupted)

"If you ask people what they've always wanted to do, most people haven't done it. That breaks my heart."

"I"m extremely honest and I pride myself on it. I dont' try to be shocking. I'm playful, and I know when something I'm saying is maybe shocking, but it's just the truth, I never wanted to be scary to people or upsetting to people. I simply want to live the way I need to live."

"People always say all sorts of stuff. Let them. I'm enjoying my life."

"I never felt settled or calm. You can't really commit to life when you feel that."

Sunday, July 15, 2007

My Bipolar Journal - Episode 81

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 81

July 15, 2007

So, it's been a while since I blogged. It's been a while since I felt sorry for myself too, so I'm not sure which is worse or better or whatever.

I have most of my things moved into my new apartment which is both good and bad. I can see the floor after doing nothing but working on it all day, but I still have a couple car loads to get over here (probably a couple more than I'm thinking). I really like my new place, but I really wish it was my house. I really wish I could fit as many people in it comfortably as I could there. It is what it is though and I've been cleaning up dutifully before the AE boys arrive here early Thursday morning. I'm glad they'll be back and I hope I'll be able to make up for being such a choad the last few hundred times they saw me. Tee hee. It happens though. Nothing to worry myself over.

I was so worried over it earlier today to the point of borderline obsession. I hate having weird conversations that just kind of end in the middle of them, so I obsessed for a moment, but then got to finish getting out everything I thought, so now I feel much better.

A friend of mine let me talk and talk much longer than I'm sure even he wanted until I realized what was really bothering me and even though the problems still exist I have a better grasp of what to work on.

I so love my friends, but why isn't it enough sometimes to just love them simply? I want to be that person, but my emotions want to feel insulted every time I hear something negative about things I've already apologized for or when I'm not recognized for my undying love for them. It's so damned selfish. I know there are certain types of healthy selfishness, but when it comes to my friends I pride myself on trying to achieve a true form of agape love. It's so hard though! It won't stop me from trying though. I'm not a "do unto others as you'd have them do" kind of gal. At least, I don't want to be. I want to be the girl that would give everything she had to make someone else happy and relies on me and me alone to make myself happy.

I find myself wanting to find a friend that makes me feel the way I feel about them though. I find myself wanting thank yous and gratitude and unmerciful forgiveness the way that I try to be for other people and it's just not the way things work. I get that. I really, really do. I just can't seem to feel it. BUT....! Never fear my loves. Practice makes perfect, or at least a similar rendition of perfection.

I get a little bit from each friend every day and I'm very grateful for the one I had today. If it weren't for him I'd still be obsessing and probably crying and making a complete ass out of myself. I mean, if I'm going to be a complete ass, I'd like to do it for a really good reason. Not because I'm a whiney girl who got my feelings hurt. Lame and a half.

I've met some great people over the last few days and can see the beginnings of good or better friendships than I've had with them in the past. I really shouldn't be unsatisfied and it only makes me angry at myself when I am because there are really so many good things.

I got my happily ever after fairy tale romance, I got my friends, I got my dream job, I got friends coming for a visit and my ass is getting ready to be rocked to some familiar tunes with some familiar faces. I've been doing ass pushups in preparation.

God, I really am bizarre.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

My Bipolar Journal - Episode 94

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 94

July 12, 2007

Okay, so I'm angry. I'm angry at the media more than I could ever be at the world. You see, I don't have cable. I don't have a remote for anything but my radio, DVD player and vibrator. The news come on and sometimes I'm caught underneath my computer and a flippant thought.

Today, within five minutes I saw a man holding a gun to his head, a story about a kid who got shot at a football game and something about a drowning. I turned it off in the story about the miner's trapped. It's not so much the stories that get me (although they do), but the presentation. They actually show the guy holding the gun to his head, they actually walk up a kid at a school and ask him what the gunshot sounded like. They made him repeat what it sounded like. Probably by bribing him and telling him he'll be on television. Now I'm not saying that people don't have a right to know certain things. The man with the gun to his head is in a neighborhood full of families who now have to stay inside their homes. A good idea, but why show him and scare his potential family and friends. Why make a child relive a moment that is already potentially traumatizing. For a little news? To make people watch the death of people. And, I'm really sorry about the person who drowned, but really, what business is any of it to me? That's someone else's life. Someone else's sorrow and pain. Like we all don't have enough of our own to deal with. Have we really grown so nosey that not only do we have to know everything, we have to make it as emotionally traumatizing as possible?

I wrote this to a friend of mine while I watched it, nearly mesmerized by the media retardation:

Why do people watch the news? Why do people feel the need to remind us and rub in the fact that Humans are nothing but victims in it's clever plot to make us cry and think bad thoughts about people? Is it some sort of clever ploy to see if we can recover from it or if we can be better than it? If so, I'm going to win.

In my other news as well....

I'm also bothered by something much more petty and selfish, but at least it's mine to share. I've heard a lot recently about secret relationships. Now me, if you keep up, know that I have no secrets about me personally. I do however help keep secrets for others, but then it makes me wonder about the people I hang around. People who have to side step conversations and comments or even talking at all about things in their own life because of the other person who is perfectly content with who they are. Why do the content people do this? Because they care about the other person. But why does the person with secrets have them? I know some of the answers, but I never agree with them. I'll respect them, but I can't figure out why people just can't be themselves with everyone and the people who cause them to feel secretive should just bite them... and me.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

My Bipolar Journal - Episode 80

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 80

July 4, 2007

I've decided that truly a picture speaks a thousand words. From now on, the only words (with a few exceptions) on my My Space will be in my blogs. Everything else has been changed to photographs and videos. Of course, I will be updating as I remember things I've forgotten and the like, but I'm rather fond of my new page. Let me know what you think. I've even given you the courtesy of changing my layout just to give you something else to look at. Thoughts? Opinions?

My Bipolar Journal - Episode 79

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 79

July 4, 2007

Shhhh..... It's a secret

Well, it's not really a secret, but I'm changing my blog to have no text (or very little) on it, but I like what I wrote here and I'm keeping it dammit!

People I'd like to meet:

Just people that don't suck. Who wants to meet those people? There are actually a few people I'd like to unmeet if that's okay with you.



You suck if:



1. You're content with wearing clanky shoes to work.

2. You dress like the rest of the guys in three piece suits and you're okay with it.

3. You talk about your kids and the weather in the elevator, even to complete strangers, because you lack a social life because of the decisions you've made.

4. You just do.

5. You're married (very few exceptions apply).

6. You think that being alone means not being married and not having kids.

7. You do anything less than what makes you happy every single second of the day and don't settle for bullshit.


8. You lie.

9. You keep too many secrets.

10. You make other people keep your secrets.

11. You pay for girlfriends/boyfriends on eHarmony.com

12. You depend on everyone else and blame everyone else for your own problems.

13. You can't admit you're wrong.

14. You feel less complete because you don't have a job that you'd be miserable at.

15. You slow down at traffic accidents.

16. You think sports are cooler than music, comic books and video games.

17. You aren't self-sacrificing.

18. You feel it necessary to involve yourself in moments that are none of your business.

19. You can't find a way to believe in yourself, even if it means depending on your friends and the people you love to keep you there.

20. You're a selfish prick.



Point being in most cases that I've met most of the people I care to meet in life. Sometimes we suck. Sometimes I suck. A lot of times I don't meet my own standards. There's no need for me to seek anyone out. I know and love the people I know, separate myself from those I don't, make myself as available as humanly possible for the ones that matter and beg forgiveness from those I've hurt.