My Bipolar Journal – Episode 87
July 30, 2007
Lately really I've been thinking that nothing could possibly happen to screw things up. Now, I'm not so naive to think that actually true, but the theory I have behind it is much more phenomenal than the reality of it. I wouldn't be alive if I wasn't heading towards a low sometimes. The point is how to deal with it and looking at things from a new perspective. I mean, I truly am lucky. I have had some of the most amazing experiences. Things that I know for a fact people won't ever get to experience. I feel as though it's because of people's experience and expectations for life. I truly am beginning to believe that the belief that life is a constant struggle is one that we are conditioned to believe and nothing else. It's not to say that there aren't struggles. It's insane to believe otherwise, but we just expect it. Marriage is hard, having kids is hard, your job is hard, your dreams... who has time for dreams? We're all so busy struggling.
Don't get me wrong. I feel challenged. I feel challenged right here and right now in this moment. I am refusing to go down without a fight and it is a fight, but I'm so lucky to have something to fight for and be challenged for and cry over and make my way towards. Pending my challenge is not met makes no true difference except to me. If I'm able to learn and find this happiness even if only for a few precious moments it is all worth it and it is exactly where I'm supposed to be.
I love my friends. I love them for the good inside as well as the bad. I'm so happy about the way they make my heart feel, even when it's sad and hurt because I am lucky enough to care enough to be sad and be hurt. There's truly no greater satisfaction.
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