My Bipolar Journal - Episode 84

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 84

July 22, 2007

So, I wrote this whole big blog about shows to go to and all sorts of things and then the magic internet erased it out.

I'm quite content currently. I'm not sure what to do with that. I have one thing prying at my brain right now, a subject that a friend of mine brought up rather randomly and not even directed at me during a conversation we had this past week. I've been thinking a lot about prayer, but I don't know why I'm thinking about it or what to think about it. I pray pretty often, but not in long conversations like I used to. I haven't been the pray out loud type since I was in high school. Prayer, if I recall the Bible correctly, is supposed to be a conversation with you and God and, well, I don't think God's the type of dude that wants you to be Mr. Loud Cell phone Talker. I understand the reasoning behind praying with someone, but congregational prayer has always been sort of like slowing down at a car wreck. See? I don't know where I'm going with this at all. I have no point, but I'm just thinking about it. I think I want to talk about it with my friend and will probably make a point to do so when I see him this week. Things seem to take direction when I talk to him or really anyone.

I'm growing increasingly tired of being blamed for drama that other people start. I think I'm on my way to getting out of it, but I am 30 fucking years old and I'm not the deceptive, lying type. I'm always happy to be there for my friends, but things have gotten out of control with some. I'll get it sorted out.

One thing I seem to have been thinking and preaching on lately is that with friendships you have to take the bad with the good and you can only hope that your friends will do the same. Bailing when people frustrate you is just no good at all and really not the nature of why friendships are supposed to exist. Maybe it opens you up to be taken advantage of from time to time, but that's also kind of the nature of it. Decisions can be made to not accept those people that do, but I always find more good in the good than bad in the bad when it comes to people that I care about.

Hmmm... I thought maybe this would help me sort out feelings and stuff, but I'm still just thinking and not going anywhere in my head.

I'm content though.