My Bipolar Journal – Episode 33
December 30, 2006
Probably my last 2006 entry. Who knows? Kind of a shitty way to end a year. My Papaw died Thursday. One of my best friends ever (and I mean ever) has decided that I'm not as great of a friend as he has been. I'm very depressed. I'm very sad. I'm very sucky. Shit happens. I know this isn't the worst it's ever been, I know it isn't the lowest I'll ever go, but it doesn't make it suck any less. To the one who thinks I have wronged you, you are and always will be one of the best friends I've ever ever ever experienced. You always will be. You'll always be a part of my heart that I can never replace and never would want to. You'll apparently always be a part of my heart that will never know this.
I'm done pretending. I don't know that I ever have, but if I ever did, I'm really done. Even as I say it, I know it may not be true entirely. Even as I hope and discover these things I know that I can barely help myself because I am unfortunately Human. I despise that fact tonight. Whomever it is (and I'm fairly certain I know) that made my friends feel this way I want to hate, but I still can't. I did nothing wrong and I am certain of it in this instance. All I know is that forever and always I will be there for those who are there for me. I will do anything whether they will return the favor or not. Maybe it makes me pathetic. Maybe it makes me alone, but it will never make me ashamed. Not the way I would love to be.
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