My Bipolar Journal - Episode 44

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 44

February 22, 2007

So, February - the month of personal discoveries. Finding someone who is extremely patient with you really does help.

I am of the firm belief that us crazies are full of all sorts of crazies. Maybe we're all predominately one particular chemical off or two, but overall, we all have a little bit of it all. I know that I'm a teensy bit OCD about things. Not enough to be tragic or anything. At least not on that hand-washing, counting everything in twos way. I've realize though that I'm extremely emotionally OCD.

For instance, I get very used to people treating me a certain way in the beginning and I expect that sort of treatment all the time. When someone breaks the pattern I start to worry when really it probably doesn't mean anything at all. If I'm used to someone calling me every day I expect them to call me every day. If I'm used to someone answering all my stupid questions, I expect them to answer every single one all the time. So, if I'm used to the fact that you call every day at 5:00 and one day you don't, I start to wonder what's wrong.

I guess it boils down to the same thing as an autistic kid in the long run. I need structure. If the structure is about to change in any way shape or form then I need to be told or I start to panic. How stupid, I know, but it's the way my brain works nonetheless.

This is the world's most embarrassing disease. I swear.

"Suspension"

Lately I'm alright
and lately I'm not scared
I've figured out,
that what you do to me feels like
I'm floating on air.
I don't need to know right now
all I know is I believe
in the very thing that got us here
and now I can't leave.

Say anything, but say what you mean,
cause I'm caught in suspension.

Now,
I'm wanting this for sure
and I'll beg for nothing more.
I'll plan all day and drive all night
you'll love what's in store.
I can't seem to stop this now
even if it's not so clear,
and I'll take what I can get.
If you want me here (If you want me here)

Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this
your eyes tell the same.
We are gaining speed
I can barely breathe.
Cause I'm caught in suspension.

It's enough for me to get excited,
It's enough for me to feel...Oh!

Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this.
Your eyes tell the same.
We are gaining speed (suspension)
I can barely breathe (Oh, please say what you mean)
I'm caught in suspension (suspension)
I'm caught in suspension.

Say (say) anything (suspension)
but say what you mean (Oh, please say what you mean)
I'm caught in suspension (suspension)
I'm caught in suspension.
We are gaining speed (suspension)
I can barely breathe (Oh, I can barely breathe)
I'm caught in suspension (suspension)
I'm caught in suspension.

Say (say) anything (suspension)
but say what you mean (Oh, I can barely breathe)
I'm caught in suspension.