My Bipolar Journal – Episode 69
June 8, 2007
So it's weird trying to keep everyone happy. I don't think I'll ever be worried about making everyone happy altogether, but I'm fucking up. I'm not a secret keeper. I'm not someone who handles information well. I don't think I've actually fucked up. I'm hoping I haven't fucked up. Its weird having friends that I care about so stupid much that have secrets that I happen to know about. It's weird knowing that just this week alone 43 people have viewed my blog. I don't even know that I can name 43 people. Even though I know I can. It's weird that out of 43 people that out of all those people the only ones who gave a crap is a miniscule number. Even weirder that 2323 people have viewed it altogether. I typed that and kind of lost my breath.
To anyone who doesn't want to hear anything that I had to say, I'm sorry I said anything. I'm not and I am. I'm just not good at anything less than honesty and... oh boy.... lack of better term.... nobility. I'm kind of ashamed because my secret keeping skills excel that of the American government, but it's so hard when you give such a shit for people.
Wow a pause for more things that make me think too much just happened.
This is why that other than these 5 guys I care about so much I'm going to burst I make a vow to only be friends with people who are undoubtedly as honest as I am at all times. Trying to defend things and make people understand them is way too hard sometimes.
People make connections though. People (or non-humans) you connect with are always important. There are always people you feel a need to protect. Always people you feel a need to share with and people that you love more than anything you ever experience. Then there's that one person who, when they're not there anymore, you just feel.... without.
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