My Bipolar Journal - Episode 75

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 75

June 19, 2007

So, mostly what I'm thinking is that most people are having trouble just taking me at face value and that's where their issues arise. I can't just tell someone I miss them or I love them or ask them what they're doing tonight without them wondering what my ulterior motive is. I'm really just a face value girl. My yes means yes, my no means no; my love is endless and has no expectations. Just because I've given you 1500 rides to the McDonald's doesn’t mean I expect you to do the same for me. I mean, friendship and love is a give and take thing, don't get me wrong, but the people I do things for in life are people who have done more for me than they'll ever be able to see. They give me a feeling, have taught me a lesson or maybe they have given me 1500 rides to McDonald's. I have a friend who is always telling me, "But, Jenn, they would never do that for you." That doesn't bother me. I'm not looking for people to do things for me. Not in the way that this particular friend is looking. Friends and love are about connections and not about what that person will do for you or not do for you. It's about how that person makes you feel and if you feel a certain way you're happy to do things for those people.

I wrote someone just last week, "I miss you" and they wrote me back "...". Was there really supposed to be more to that? I just thought of the person, heard a story about them and missed them and wanted to let them know. I think it's important to tell people those things, remind them that they're in your thoughts and that you care.

I think people just get uncomfortable with acceptance. People can't just accept that they're loved or liked or appreciated for exactly who they are. There has to always be a reason, some deeper meaning and sometimes we can't accept that we're just great people who react positively with others and that's all there is to it. Some people you have to work harder for and that's okay too, but that's on you. And that's your decision. Just because you have to work harder for some people doesn't mean that you should whine and bitch about it. It should mean that you've accepted that they're worth the effort.