My Bipolar Journal – Episode 185
March 14, 2008
So many things. All the time. So many things.
I’m so scared.
I’ve never told someone I wouldn’t forgive them. Not someone I don’t care for and certainly not the one person who convinced me to care about them more than I’ve ever cared about anyone. I am SO terrified that I’m heading right towards that. I’m terrified that I won’t be able to follow through even when I know there is no other choice.
I’m still hurt even though things should be better. I don’t know how to not be hurt, well, not by this one particular situation. I’m mad at myself because I don’t know how to let go of family. I don’t know how to tell someone who is a part of me to fuck off.
I am inside out. I am not myself. You make me not myself. I used to be so happy about that. Now I’m terrified. I’m so sorry that I’ll never know a place that I’m not. I’m so happy that I’ll never know a place that I’m not.
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