My Bipolar Journal – Episode 198
April 19, 2008
Several things are hilarious to me right now. Two birthdays in a row He’s tried to “break up” with me. Last year he actually broke up with me three days after he convinced me that having him as my “boyfriend” was ok. This year I’m not allowed to be his friend anymore although I’ve done nothing wrong. I can’t help it that I’m an honest person and that he could be honest with me. I still think one day He’ll appreciate it, but not today. He’s the love of my life and He knows it. He knows that I’m the love of His life, but He’s not ready for it. That doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is that He got married, won’t tell His parents and can’t accept pretty much any part of Himself and He’s completely turned into someone He’s not in an attempt to live what is the conditioned American dream. Why on my birthday every year? It seems so intentional. So, I decided that He’s gay right now and that pretty much anything He says or does while He is being a slave to conditioning is gay. I don’t even want to be friends with someone who can’t be themselves on some level. I know it’s hard finding someone that actually doesn’t mind You being honest all the time, but seriously… every birthday? That is so gay. And not in the cool bisexual way.
All I know is that 31 has so far been the coolest year ever and it’s been two days. I’m done with having bad days. That is also gay. I have been just the right amount of “drunk” (depending on how you feel about the subject), I have made out with very pretty people, I had many friends play with me and make me feel special and I would be a jackass to let you really truly affect me more than a few paragraphs of a blog that is merely me venting on how you try to ruin all my birthdays.
I’m also annoyed with people who introduce themselves as “so and so’s girlfriend” before they tell you their name. It’s fine that I’m missing my opportunity to fuck your boyfriend that night, but don’t you have some sort of defining point besides being someone’s girlfriend? Like a name? I’m just asking. Gay, gay, gay.
Really though it only seems like I’m bitching on what has been, so far the best age of my life, but you know what? Everyone has issues. I’m sorry if you think I share too much online or that I need attention because I share a damned thing with you at all. All I know is that I write when I’m feeling anything beyond a naturally boring feeling and that I like to think that one day maybe someone will relate or care or appreciate honesty. Remember honesty? Yeah, I figured You didn’t. Keep your asswipe alive.
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