My Bipolar Journal – Episode 200
April 26, 2008
I’ve always known and recently discovered that my greatest weakness and my greatest strength is my ability to forgive. Forgiveness is something that people who truly love you should be able to do no matter what, but I’ve even seen the world’s “strongest” Christians and those with the highest morals that the Humans imagine give it all up in one moment for the ability to be right. “Well, you cheated, so I’m right all the time now and you’re wrong all the time.” Trying to sit back and pretend we can forget what anyone did to us is impossible, but treating that person like it never happened shouldn’t be. Surviving the hurt someone causes you is much nobler to me than worrying about the morals Humans have put into place.
Believing that we should deny loving other people because we love “just the one” is wrong, inhuman and actually devalues the whole belief structure set up in the first place whether it is religious or moral. We are doing a disservice to each other by choosing to believe that we should stop caring about new people who enter our lives or that we can’t love someone as much, more or quite simply, differently because of this one person we’ve chosen. We devalue friendships day after day and when we find something or someone who makes us happy we choose not to accept it because we feel like it’s wrong.
I don’t know that I can believe in much of anything here in this place any longer. I watch people suffering in some way every day. I watch people denying themselves and everyone else around them or trying to convince someone else to do it for them. I watch people looking out of the corner of their eye to either make sure that this person that they’ve chosen to judge love by is either not there or there depending on their motive. Love shouldn’t have a motive or come with some sort of measuring stick.
People will always disappoint us because they’re just like us. I have no way to solve this. I have no person on my side because no one chooses to be themselves and to give everything up for someone else. Trying to have a conversation with anyone anymore is a constant struggle because either people won’t really listen, they argue or they may even walk away thinking, but always reverting back to their conditioned style of thinking.
Love is real, love exists, love is not one person, love is not religion or moral or obligated or right or wrong or living for someone. All of those are favors we allot ourselves or maybe even a result of love, but one of those things will always falter and who are we to say or tell someone else that it isn’t love. Fuck us all if we think we have the right to say so.
“All men need something greater than themselves to look up to and worship. They must be able to touch the divine here on earth.” Geoffrey Rush as Sir Francis Walsingham in Elizabeth
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