My Bipolar Journal – Episode 203
May 5, 2008
I like proving I was there. I like to know that the people that existed in my life for only a few moments existed. I like remembering that I was there. Sometimes I look back though and it just hurts, but I still don’t want to forget that it hurts. It’s normal. It’s what makes me who I am and put me where I am. It still hurts a lot though. Smiles that now seem so insincere when I think on them seem real when I look at them. Pictures tell secrets. Laughter doesn’t lie. There’s no need to lie about a laugh. You can lie when you’re smiling, when you’re crying, even when you’re angry, but not when you’re laughing. An insincere laugh can be heard right through more than eyes will ever see. Don’t pretend you weren’t happy. Don’t walk away ashamed that you were happy with me. Any of you. I’d rather you kept your flapping, lying mouth shut and only opened it to laugh because that’s the only time I knew you didn’t lie.
Why is everyone so content to live lives that they’re ashamed of, have secrets they’re afraid will embarrass them? It’s insane. Who cares if you heard a story about my favorite orgasm or my most painful period, or the time that it felt good to tie you up? Maybe not all of those things are things I’m proud of and there’s no need to brag or even mention it, but they certainly don’t make things not happen and it certainly doesn’t mean that I won’t mention them either. Friendships you’re ashamed of are friendships that never were. Real friendships don’t end no matter how upset you get or annoyed you might be.
I’m so tired of people who live their lives in opaque boxes and are ashamed to say what their life is. Where are the real people and why am I not with them?
No comments:
Post a Comment