My Bipolar Journal – Episode 208
May 20, 2008
I can’t sleep in my own bed anymore. I keep having these awful dreams there. They’re not necessarily zombie scary, but the final straw was the one I had the other night. Every person that I had met that had genuinely, sociopathically screwed me over was in the dream with me and I was confronting them or they were confronting me. It’s not bugs and vampires and rape and other ickies of nightmares, but I woke up genuinely terrified to go back to bed in that spot. Maybe because the last person to do this to me was the last person to make me feel safe there. Maybe I think that bed is somehow psychologically tied to my bad dreams. Every time I pass the bedroom I shiver when I look at the bed though. It’s so gay, but I can’t get past it.
Last night I slept on the couch and I did dream about things attacking me or at least chasing me I think, but I got to fly a lot in my dream. The only part I really remember is that I realized I was dreaming for a moment because of a conversation my friend and I had the other day about flying in dreams. Then I got afraid of losing control of my flying because sometimes that happens in my dreams. I kept it together though. Every dream I have is like this, but nothing was like the dream I had the other night.
I don’t even know why some of these people appeared in this dream, but the only good that is coming out of it is that I’m throwing myself into my voluntary insomnia again.
I’ve been sleeping too much.
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