My Bipolar Journal - Episode 154

My Bipolar Journal – Episode 154

November 12, 2007

So I talked to someone who pissed me off a long time ago tonight. He had let me stay at his place outside Nashville. I had randomly asked him about it at a later date and that (if I recall correctly) that I would be bringing some friends. The dude had plenty of room, but had the audacity to say that his “fiancée” would probably disapprove of such a thing. I had never had any sort of sexual attraction or interaction with this guy, yet a chick would be offended by a friend of his presence. There are a lot of things I can take. People telling me I’m offensive or that I’m a bitch or that they don’t want to have anything to do with me. One thing I hate probably even more than lies is someone giving up their friends for anyone else and not being true to themselves.

Well, he wrote me tonight and I guess he went through with it or whatever, but whilst he was defending the constitution of marriage (although he said none of his friends were happy with it) I blatantly said, “Well, that’s funny because I think that’s what people say while they’re trying to convince people that they made a bad decision.” About 2 minutes later he had to watch Family Guy (although he and I hadn’t talked in a over a year). In his defense I think he knew I was pissed at him although I truly don’t think he knew why. God forbid anyone have any balls to ask.

Many of you know that I am fully aware of the love of my life and that I’m also fully aware that he is not in the habit of recently admitting he loves me. In fact, he’s gone to extensive lengths to be a complete jackass just to prove not that he doesn’t love me to me, but himself. Anyone who knows the both of us knows this as fact and not fiction, including the girl that he went to extensive lengths to say, on stage mind you, is his “wife to be” while I was there. Do I think he would have said that had I not been there? I think we all know better. Although I care for him I found I genuinely did not care (although yes I did notice) about this extensive display of what some would mistake for affection. In fact, I think it would have been interesting to poll how many times he’s said anything about her on stage until I showed up. Not interesting enough for me to actually check or pay attention though, but I do love him and therefore acknowledge his pathetic attempt of convincing himself of something that I’ve now seen is not real. Mostly because of the display and more so from the sad display of hand shaking and discussion and embarrassment of my existence knowing that she would be there.

Some advice to all people who react in this manner. Fuck off. If you are friends with someone be a man and be their friend at all costs. Because that’s what friendship is. It’s not a pick or choose of uncomfortability at someone else’s expense. It’s about what makes you happy about someone… anyone… be it friend or lover or supposed love of your life.

And just so YOU know, I would have been terribly more convinced if you had not said anything at all. Someday you may need the friendship that I’ve offered and find it’s not there anymore.