My Bipolar Journal – Episode 149
November 6, 2007
So, I distracted myself with a friend tonight. An actual friend. Not You or Your stupid band. It made me understand something which is why I have wrote four blogs before I ever thought about going to bed tonight. I started out talking to this friend not sure if I wanted to talk about my problems or be distracted. Quickly I averted myself to him and his issues. I instantly felt calm. I think the new quote on my page (from the Fifth Element if no one has noticed) really says it well, although not perfectly.
“I don’t know love. I was built to protect, not love, so there is no other use for me than this.”
The real life Jenn version, “I know love, but more than this I was built to protect by love. There is no other use for me than this. There is no other hurt greater than this.”
I will not discount the love I’ve felt and still feel for the people in my life. I will not believe that I have to love myself before I can love anyone else because I feel it. I’ve felt more completely than most people I’ve ever known and no one can suggest otherwise. The love I’ve had for myself will never compare to the feeling I have for loving real people. It will never compare to the love I’ve felt for most of the fake ones either.
A special thank you to a real person. And for once, I know it’s not You. Hang in there dear. You are truly a special person and I know that you’re lucky enough to not only have one person to say that to you. I hope one day I will have the privilege of returning the favor.
To the rest of you who are not robots and aliens and are truly People inside your Human shells, much love… may you find it… and when you do… I hope you’ll be intelligent enough to appreciate it. May you appreciate it enough to know that it’s not only in one person.
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