My Bipolar Journal – Episode 160
November 27, 2007
So, here it is almost 5:30 in the morning and I’m trying to be sleepy, but I’m not. I know I’m supposed to be sleepy, but I’m just fucking not. I’m supposed to go to bed because that’s what the masses tell me to do. They tell me that every night before the sun comes up that I will be sleepy and it will matter. That somehow it all matters to rejuvenate me. All it does is make me angry though. Honestly, even if I were sleepy, I wouldn’t want to go to bed. I managed to have a solid week of sleep like the supposed Humans do. It was ok. Still boring though. Now I’m back to either dreaming about the person I love and hate more than anyone else deserves and dreaming about zombies wanting to eat me the other part of the night. I wake up and He’s not there to protect me, but the worst part is that usually He just was and not He’s just not, which is more of a nightmare than zombies eating my flesh. So, you ask me, why am I getting angrier and angrier at you? That’s why Dickhead. Because You had the balls to convince me that whether I was dreaming about You or dreaming about zombies, none of it would matter because You would be there. Now… am I truly angry at You or am I mad that I let You convince me that it would matter if You were there or not. Either way I’m content with blaming You for it and I will be as stupid and immature and ridiculous about it as I please and name calling or what I think of it has no significance to me whatsoever. Deep inside it’s all part of me that just wants You back and hates You for making me feel that way. Or hates me. Doesn’t really matter.
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