My Bipolar Journal – Episode 144
November 4, 2007
I am so tired of everything right now. I'm afraid it's a result of my medication because I'm tired of considering everyone else before anything I want or want to do. I don't know that I like that about me. I'm exhausted from giving two shits about what someone else is going to feel as a result of what I do. I'm sick of having to consider what I'm going to do or how I'm going to react because someone else might be uncomfortable. I have obligations and goals beyond certain people and I'm tired of putting people who don't give two shits about me before those goals. I'm exhausted from not taking my own advise and thinking that my love is worth more than anything. I'm tired of giving a shit about any of it. I might change my mind in five fucking minutes, but for now... I just want what's best for me and I hate myself for it. I don't want to be that person. I'm tired of loving You and I hate myself fot it. I'm tired of knowing that You were the one and You being too god damned stupid to accept it. I'm tired of You having the most love that anyone has ever had and not appreciating it for one God damned second. I hope you fuck off. I hope you get hurt. I hope that I feel bad about saying that soon.
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